Wednesday, May 12, 2010

My playmates

I don’t like to divide my life into sections, I live it blurred. Work and fun can happen at any time, so I really don’t think there is any need to label it. I often go play with my friends, or work, we might sometimes call it work and sometimes not. We talk about everything possible that concerns we just found, funny people we read about, things that frighten us, love, our disorders, obscure little films, drugs, megalomania, sex, death, in all: whatever cool stuff we’ve just found, and we show each other lots of pictures.
And then and we wallow in the fascination of our discoveries...and we make drawings, try the ideas in photos and videos, make little collages and sketches and drape fabric on little dummies. It evolves into music for some of us, or photos and videos, and some in clothes, or we just mix it all. We rely on each other and wouldn’t wanna do it any other way. It’s so easy and fulfilling that I almost feel ashamed. I want to live and work through my life like this for ever and ever, and I will never allow my work to become a burden.

It wasn’t always like that, you know. The Summer that I turned 14, I was walking with my head dropped as always, and suddenly stumbled upon a big and lonely lucky clover. I picked it up and instantly knew what to wish for. I asked that, at one point in my life, I’d find someone to love and be loved by just as I am, and that I would become happy, and I meant really really happy. I was pretty realistic about it though (typically me), because I was also very thorough on pointing out that I was prepared to wait a long time for this, just as long as the wish came through…

I kept the lucky clover in the diary I had at the time, and now as I was looking through it the other day, it fell out. The day that I picked it is still so clear in my mind and I remember the feelings of longing as if it were yesterday. And to tell you the truth, the wish came true. I always had this goal of getting through my childhood and teens, so I could finally start to living my life as I wanted it. And I knew that if I only took one day at the time, or hour by hour, I’d eventually get out on the other side. It’s so weird to be there now, I just wish I could go back in time and give myself a hug.

With this in mind, I want to tell you about the loved ones I surround myself with now. Well, let’s simply call them my playmates. I don’t think I’d be able to breathe without them. I know who to begin with.

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